Permission Denied
Why spite might be the only fuel artists actually need
I spent the last couple days in Austin, TX interviewing a few friends. It’s for a documentary I’m not ready to share just yet (so please stay tuned.) Baron Ryan whom some of you may know as the lead actor, writer, and director of the feature film ‘Two Sleepy People’ shared something that made me realize something about myself I was honestly shocked to figure out.
For context, in these interviews I was asking what advice they’d give someone trying to make a movie or dreaming to. Baron’s first part was: “The best advice I’d give, my favorite advice to give, is don’t listen to advice. Figure it out.” He said that most times when people ask about the budget or logistics, they’re really asking for inspiration or to subconsciously be told, “You can do this too, even on a smaller budget. It is possible.” He also said that seeking perfection is like battling insecurities.
This made me stop and think: Have I been waiting for someone or something to give me permission?
(Hand drawn by Baron Ryan - November NYC 2025)
Permission. The thing about being an artist that’s so strange is that this community is full of people who—yes, create to express something from within, to tell stories of their experiences but also run off of spite. At least for me, encouragement can only go so far. But tell me I can’t? I will not only never stop trying to prove you wrong, but I will prove you wrong.
The thing is, us artists ride this rollercoaster making huge accomplishments one moment, then wondering why did I choose this job, I can’t even buy eggs the next. We have to prove ourselves both worthy and wrong. That’s the duality of taking the narrow road in life.
Right now, where I’m at on this rollercoaster, is back at the beginning. Hearing the slow clinking as I inch higher, getting closer to the next drop. To locking back in. As I look around, there are so many paths I could take. And honestly, as I go into 2026 (yes, I know it’s already mid February), I don’t want to base my choices on anyone else’s path. Nor wait for “permission” to go after my big dreams.
I don’t know what the everyday looks like yet. I don’t know what my YouTube channel will become this year. I don’t know if I want to be known as a filmmaking YouTuber.
But what I do know is I want to make a movie. I’m really invested in making this documentary. I’m excited to revive an old YouTube channel. I’m excited to build something local in Chicago for creatives to connect and work on things. I’m excited to follow the fun and not get so bogged down by perfection.
Things aren’t ‘Goldilocks and the Three Bears’ we won’t find that perfect moment, have all the right pieces of gear, all the money. Or even the perfect idea. All we have is our gut feeling and the spite to make it real.
So for the readers who made it here thank you! I hope this resonated with you.
Maybe you won’t make your dreams come true. Maybe you won’t get that job or land that dream brand collab. Maybe you won’t make it as an artist.
Do you feel that? That spite building in your gut?
Take that. Hold onto it. You owe it to yourself to prove me wrong.
Lord knows how much doubt within myself I would love to prove wrong this year.
Cheers to my fellow spiteful beings.